Tender Loving Christ is revealed as both fierce and tender: fierce in confronting evil, resisting injustice, and completing the work of salvation, and tender in holding suffering people with compassion, forgiveness, protection, and grace. In Jesus, God’s love is not distant or passive. It is a love that fights for the vulnerable, remains present in pain, welcomes the rejected, and calls people into a whole-hearted relationship with God.
Jesus embodies both the fierce and the tender love of God. His fierce love refuses compromise with evil, while his tender love gathers, protects, covers, heals, and comforts those who are hurting. This love calls us not only to receive grace, but also to become people who offer a safe, compassionate, and courageous presence to others.
Jesus’ Fierce and Tender Love
In our Gospel reading, we hear Jesus embody both the fierce and the tender love of God. The pharisees tell him that Herod has threatened his life and Jesus responds with a fierceness that might have sounded as startling to them as it does to us. “you tell that fox, Herod, that I’m going to finish what I came to do-I am healing and casting out demons and no matter who you are, what you say, or what you do, I am going to complete my work. I am going to be on my way, but it’s not because of you or your idle threats, it’s because my purpose will take me to Jerusalem.”
Jesus expresses a clarity of purpose and mission, and no obstacle-not even death threats, nor death itself-is going to deter him. Yet in the next sentence, we hear one of the most tender, loving and maternal passages in all of Scripture, expressing Jesus’s weeping lament of broken-hearted love over those who will not turn toward him in trust to hide and rest under God’s protection and love.
Jesus’s love is so tender, so healing, so mothering, and so all-encompassing-an image of gathering and protecting, covering and hovering, calling and making sure no one is missing. It conveys warmth and safety, home and comfort, peace and rest, homecooked food and a warm fire, fluffy blankets and a hug that lasts as long as you hang on. It’s gentle and welcoming and expects nothing except that you show up and snuggle under grace.
Isn’t that why God sent Jesus in the first place-to show us that God’s love for us is both so fierce about defeating evil and in that, asking for our full devotion, and also, so tender in desiring an intimate relationship with us?
The Meaning of Tenderness
Today’s society is governed by an addiction to offense, an ease in criticizing others, and a tendency to dismiss other’s opinions or feelings in favor of our personal point of view. Even writing this last sentence filled me with visions of how many people will read it and take exception with one or more parts of it, feeling I was not completely accurate or that I left something out or included something that shouldn’t have been there. I would like to talk about the antidote to such behaviors and attitudes - tenderness.
The languages we all speak are living things. They change over time, both the pronunciation and definition of words, among other things. The first definition of tenderness printed below is from the Webster’s 1828 dictionary. This is the way this word was being used during Joseph Smith’s lifetime.
Tenderness in the 1828 Dictionary
- The state of being tender or easily broken, bruised or injured; softness; brittleness; as the tenderness of a thread; the tenderness of flesh.
- The state of being easily hurt; soreness; as the tenderness of flesh when bruised or inflamed.
- Susceptibility of the softer passions; sensibility.
- Kind attention; anxiety for the good of another, or to save him from pain.
- Scrupulousness; caution; extreme care or concern not to give or to commit offense; as tenderness of conscience.
- Cautious care to preserve or not to injure; as a tenderness of reputation.
- Softness of expression; pathos.
Now I give you the Webster’s Dictionary definition for tenderness of today. Note the subtle shift in meaning and use. A dictionary definition is based on how people in society are currently using the word. The dictionary doesn’t define the words we use, we do. The dictionary just records the way we use it in our writing.
- delicate or soft in quality:tender blue.
- delicate, soft, or gentle:the tender touch of her hand.
- easily moved to sympathy or compassion; kind:a tender heart.
- affectionate or loving; sentimental or amatory:a tender glance.
- considerate or careful; chary or reluctant (usually followed by of).
- acutely or painfully sensitive:a tender bruise.
- easily distressed; readily made uneasy:a tender conscience.
- yielding readily to force or pressure; easily broken; fragile.
The first definition mostly focuses the use of the word around the caring for others in kind and compassionate ways. It focuses on being considerate and careful with the feelings and needs of others. Today’s definitions center around someone with a kind and loving heart, easily hurt or distressed, fragile.
I see these two definitions as miles apart, and very indicative of the world in which we live. I confess that this is my take on these two definitions, but if I was to use one word to describe tenderness in both of these time periods, I would use for the current definition the word “fragile.” There is little in all those definitions that doesn’t lend itself to this description. The single word I would use to describe the 1828 definition of tenderness is “consideration.” I will leave it to you to decide what should be the correct definition of the word tenderness.
From Fragility to Consideration
Contemporary tenderness can describe someone who is easily hurt, easily distressed, and fragile. Yet Christian tenderness is more than emotional sensitivity. It is considerate attention, careful concern, and an active desire to save another person from pain. It means learning to approach people with humility, recognizing that their lives contain struggles and experiences we may not see.
I administer a Facebook group where we talk mainly about ministering to others. For the most part the group members have been compassionate, kind, and respectful of the international nature of our membership. We have had virtually no grammar police patrolling our posts. If they have seen many of our posts they surely would have recognized that many are made by second language speakers, or those who don’t do a lot of professional writing.
This forbearance of wanting to correct little points of grammar or spelling has been a true blessing to the group. I suspect that many of the posts may have been submitted after copying and pasting from Google Translate.
My concern is when someone posts a generic point, like “we need to care for one another,” others jump in and take exception with such comments because the comments don’t take into account things like our need to be self sufficient, or our personal desires, or when we have to do something on assignment, or when we can’t help because we are working, or whatever.
What I am seeing is an unwillingness for any truth to stand on its own merits. It has to be picked apart and dissected so that no leaf or stone is left unturned in finding the ultimate “all-inclusive” definition of the expression.
In other words, they want all the fine print associated with an experimental drug included before they are willing to agree that every mutation of the phrase has been accounted for and given its own chance to be heard and considered.
A Culture Addicted to Offense
This behavior has only recently shown up in our group, but it is indicative of the culture at large in the United States. I’m not the only one seeing this trend. I have been seeing people posting personal videos about this need for some people to correct others, and sometimes in a cruel and heartless manner.
When confronted about their methods, they make claims of just being “honest.” When people are hurt, feel threatened, or are tired of other people’s tirades, those who comment about their leaving the group sometimes make offhanded remarks that indicate there is no great loss with these people leaving. ‘We can get along just fine without such thin skinned people.’ These attitudes disturb me greatly.
I can’t speak for any country other than the United States, where I live, but we have become a culture addicted to offense and obsessed with personal judgment. Almost nothing can be done or said without someone becoming angry, huffy, hurt, shamed, offended, or resentful because of what you either did, said, or didn’t do or say.
These people seem to be the poster children for today’s definition of tenderness. They are easily hurt. They are fragile. They don’t care nearly so much for the needs of someone else as they seem to be concerned with what they perceive as their own needs.
It is almost as if all of life flows from their own perspective at the time they hear something said or read it in print. Anything that doesn’t match in their life with what they have just encountered must be faulty and flawed, and in desperate need of correction, and they are just the person to do it.
From an emotional or spiritual perspective, these people are not safe to be around. Tenderness, by contrast, creates a space where people are not immediately condemned, mocked, dismissed, or forced to defend every imperfect expression.
Learning Humility Through Ministering
In administering our Facebook group I have learned through many frustrating instances that what we think is a cut and dried, easily defensible conclusion about an issue is rarely as cut and dried, or as defensible as we think it is.
At one point I decided that we would only discuss one topic in our group - ministering. If the post wasn’t about how to physically help someone with a need then it wasn’t about ministering and shouldn’t be in the group. Boy, was I wrong!
My group members quickly demonstrated to me that their concept of ministering was vastly different from my perspective. I would look at a post and tell my wife, “This has absolutely nothing to do with ministering!” But I decided that I should ask them what they were thinking before I deleted the post.
Sure enough, almost every time they would respond with a connection to ministering I had never considered before. As my perspective and vision of ministering enlarged, we have eventually included Temple work, Missionary work, general service, and gospel study as all parts of the profile of ministering.
I still believe that at its core, ministering is about relieving want and needs in the lives of others. It is about calming a troubled soul, quelling someone’s fears, and about demonstrating God’s love in whatever manner the Spirit can help us learn to do.
But my mind is being opened to greater possibilities all the time. This makes the decision of what posts don’t belong in the group ever more difficult to determine.
Christ’s Gospel of Relationships
Marleen Williams was a Clinical Psychologist and counselor at BYU-Provo. In 2004 she spoke at a devotional. Her topic was entitled, A gospel of Relationships.
Relationships form the very basis of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Christ taught that all of the gospel laws hang on our ability to love God and others (Matthew 22: 37-40). All of God’s laws are ultimately laws of love. Every commandment is given out of love for you and concern for your happiness. Every commandment ultimately tests your ability to love Him and your fellowman.
Just as God has a gospel of relationships, Satan proposes counterfeit principles that eventually lead to the destruction of relationships, both with God and with others. God teaches you to love others and to learn to live in a Zion society. Satan encourages jealousy, competition, and uncharitable judgments.
These keep you from feeling close and connected to others. God teaches you eternal progression and faith in the Atonement, while Satan teaches its counterfeit-perfectionism-which destroys your confidence in yourself and others.
God teaches eternal marriage, where love lasts forever. Satan encourages relationships that are selfish and end when they become inconvenient.
Difference, Belonging, and Compassion
Look around you. Notice how much people vary. They vary not only in appearance but also in their personalities, life experiences, mortal challenges, and missions here on earth.
When we become aware of those differences we may feel jealous of others. Yet the scriptures teach that there are reasons for our differences. We learn from the scriptures that “all have not every gift given unto them” (D&C 46:11).
We are all given weaknesses to teach us humility and compassion (1 Corinthians 1:27, 2 Corinthians 12:10, Ether 12:27). We also are different so that we each might have something to contribute and some way to belong (1 Corinthians 12:14-22, 25, 26).
When we learn to love each other and have respect for our different abilities, we prepare ourselves to live in a celestial order. Each person edifies the other, and then the whole can become a Zion society.
Why Uncharitable Judgment Fails
God teaches us to love one another, and yet you may still find yourself experiencing feelings and thoughts that are less than loving. Sometimes it is a challenge to stop being jealous and wrongly judge each other.
We all see “through a glass, darkly” (1 Corinthians 13:12). Our personal experience is limited. It is often easy to look at another’s situation and believe that we see it accurately when, in fact, we do not.
It is easy then to come to believe that you can “work out another’s salvation” for them because you know what is wrong with their life. However, we do not always know another’s private challenges, sorrows, and disappointments.
Even more important, we do not know God’s unique plan for that person’s life and may risk prescribing the wrong solutions. When we judge uncharitably and attempt to prescribe solutions for other people’s lives, we run the risk of speaking counter to the Lord’s will for that person.
Tenderness, Imperfection, and Safe Relationships
Have you ever wondered how perfectionism can influence relationships? Perfectionists experience excessive shame in having weaknesses and making mistakes. They believe that they are only of value if they are performing perfectly in all that they do.
Perfectionists may also believe that other people must excel and perform in all areas of their lives or they are inadequate and unworthy. Close relationships provide us with a ringside seat to each other’s struggles, sensitivities, and shortcomings.
If you demand instant perfection from yourself or others, it becomes difficult to share struggles and disclose your weaknesses for fear of losing the relationship. There is then no way to provide support for each other in overcoming those weaknesses and challenges.
Alma taught at the waters of Mormon that one of the first covenants of baptism is to bear one another’s burdens (Mosiah 18:8-10). When you can openly discuss weaknesses and problems without fear of rejection or ridicule, you can create a “safe place” in the relationship.
Having the safety to explore problems in an empathic and caring relationship facilitates the kind of self-examination that is necessary for change and growth to take place. When you can let go of perfectionism, it is easier to feel emotionally close to others.
Ironically, we often love those people most whose weaknesses and struggles we know.
Paula D’Arcy and the Release of Pain
Paula D’Arcy is a Christian author and inspirational speaker. At age twety-seven, she was pregnant with her second daughter when a drunk driver struck and killed her husband and her first daughter who was two years old.
She tells the story of being in the hospital 6 months after this terrible tragedy, to give birth, and praying to God to please give her a natural birth, so she could experience life after so much death.
Although she wanted to trust God as the foundation of her life, in that moment, she wanted God to prove himself by granting this one desire. In her grief, she had struggled in her relationship with God and wanted to feel loved and less alone.
After several hours of labor, it looked like her desire for a natural birth was not going to happen, and she was minutes from having a C-section. She prayed, “What do you want from me, God? You already have everything-you have my husband, you have my daughter-what more do you want?”
Paula heard in her own heart God’s response. God said to her, I want you to want me more than you want anything else. I want to transform your pain. I want you to give your whole self to me.
Paula looked down at her hands and realized that she had been holding on to life as she wanted it, and the grip of her desires had closed her off from God doing what she most needed, which was to transform her pain into new life.
She released her hands and opened her whole self to God; a moment that became a turning point in her spiritual journey. Both the fierce and the tender love of God enveloped all of her-even her angry, bargaining, scorekeeping, fearful, distraught, birth-giving, complex, grieving self.
God’s fierce and tender love embraced all of her.
The Cross as an Image of Tender Loving Christ
Inserted in your bulletin is a copy of the cross I’m wearing today, so you can see it in detail. I received it from a Catholic priest when I was working through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.
You can see an image of God, the Creator behind Jesus who is hanging on the cross (it’s an image of God as a man with a beard, but we know that God is not a male; Jesus just gave us in image of God as mother!).
If you look at the arm on the right-you can see that God is holding Jesus’s wrist-as if to hold him there, on the cross.
This is the fierce love of God who is helping Jesus complete the work he has begun to defeat the power of death, release the power of violence, and overcome evil with love.
God says, “I’m holding you to this, Jesus, you must finish this work, you must stand against evil, you must give all of yourself, I need you to do this, as painful as it is.”
I wonder how have you experienced freedom because the victory was won for you here, as Jesus was held on the cross? When you have experienced the fierce love of God fighting evil and conquering struggles, sin, addiction or loss on your behalf?
Or perhaps you too, have experienced the fierce love of God holding you to account, to integrity, to the fulfillment of hard work? That also is a part of following Jesus.
If you look at the arm on the left, you can see that God’s hand is holding Jesus’ hand-holding him in his pain and suffering-being present with him-never leaving him-hiding him under the cover his wings.
This is the tender love of God-holding Jesus in love as he suffers and hurts in completing the work he must do, so that he is never alone, abandoned nor betrayed.
God says, “we are in this together, and I will never leave you nor forsake you, I am with you, and you are not alone.”
I wonder when have you experienced the tender love of God? The freeing release of forgiveness? Love renewed, relationships healed? A new start offered, a dark night of the soul survived, a trauma endured, an illness abated, a companion in the slow slog of grief?
When have you experienced the tender love of God, a chance to snuggle into grace?
Christ’s Compassion for the Afflicted and Sinful
Thomas Goodwin shows that in all His glorious holiness in heaven, Christ is not sour towards His people-distant, unconcerned. No, if anything, Christ's glorified capacious heart beats more strongly with tender compassion towards His people.
And if anything, in particular-two things says Goodwin-two things stir Christ's compassion. First, our afflictions stir His compassion. Second, almost unbelievably, our sin stirs His compassion.
Having experienced on earth, the utmost load of pain, rejection, and sorrow, in all points tempted as we are, Christ in heaven empathizes with our suffering. There is a man who has suffered on the throne of heaven. He understands.
But more, he looks at Hebrews 5 verse 2 where we read that is part of the qualification of the high priest to have mercy on those who are out of the way-that is sinning.
And says Goodwin, "you're very sins move Him to pity more than to anger, yay His pity is increased the more towards you even as the heart of a father is to a child that has some loathsome disease. His fatherly hatred shall be all full but only upon the sin to free you from the sin by its ruin and destruction, but his bowels shall be more drawn out to you and this as much when you lie under sin has under any other affliction. Therefore, fear not, 'what shall separate us from the love of Christ?'"
His point is those who are in Christ have a new identity; they are no longer defined by their sin, they're defined by Christ. And the sin that remains in them is a sickness.
And fathers, they love their children, they don't hate their children when they get sick. That the sickness in their children arouses their compassion for their children.
Hatred for the sickness, compassion for the child. In glory, says Goodwin, Jesus' first reaction when you sin is pity.
Where you would run from Him in guilt, He would run to you in grace. It makes all the difference when your heart feels cold and cloddish. Right then in your very coldness, you can know it is your joylessness that stirs His compassion.
And what Goodwin realized, was that as a pastor, this loving compassion will draw us back to Christ from our sin. Maybe you sense it that in our guilt we'd never want to face up to some cold, pitiless God.
But the tender kindness of Christ woos us. The beauty of Christ's heart in heaven wooes ours.
Fierce Love in the Face of Evil
Throughout his ministry and on the cross, Jesus shows us a fierce and tender God-a God so fierce, there is no negotiation with Herod, there is no compromise with evil, and even when life is at its most painful, there is no bargaining for half your heart, like in the story of Paula D’Arcy.
God is all in with us-in creation, in Christ, in his death and in his resurrection, and God’s fierce and tender love requires that those of us who choose a relationship with this God, must be “all in” as well.
Do you see what fierce and tender love God has for you? God will fight all manner of evil for you, and hold you in all suffering, and in that, God says, “give me your all.”
I want you to want me more than you want anything else. I want to transform your pain. I want you to give your whole self to me.
That’s the voice of a fierce and tender God who saves us all through his own self-giving suffering on a cross, and who settles for nothing less than our whole heart.
Opening Our Hands to Grace
When like Paula, we can open our hands and let go of the grip of our desires and give our whole selves to God-we can allow God to both hold us in place, where God wants us to serve on one hand, and hold us snuggled into grace and comfort on the other hand.
Joined to Christ through the cross, we are freed-freed to be fully who God calls us to be as God’s precious children. Joined to Christ through the cross, we are freed to participate in God’s fierce and tender work in the world.
There is much to be done--both fierce work against evil and tender work with those who are suffering.
Tender Loving Christ in Recovery
Leanne struggled with alcohol and prescription pills for several years. She sought help through several different secular programs. One was top-rated in the nation.
Leanne tried inpatient, outpatient, a few different sober living homes, therapy, you name it she tried it and nothing worked. Fortunately, her family stepped in and she was able to get sober for a little over a year.
During that year Leanne was still struggling with her mental health which led her to relapse. Her family was done and stepped away (as they should). Leanne burned every bridge.
She was heading into another spiral. Leanne knew if she didn't get help, she would be sent to jail or even worse her grave.
Leanne surrendered her life to the Lord. He was the only one who could save her. Leanne entered a one-year faith-based residential program, called Come As you Are in Steamboat Springs, CO.
She was was set free, healed and delivered from the bondage that kept her from fully living. That is when God laid it on her heart to help other women.
She never thought she would find true freedom. She knew if God could heal her, He could use her to help other women.
It was when she graduated her program, that sober living was put on her heart. Leanne watched several of her sisters in Christ work so hard to graduate and not have a safe place to go home to.
This is very common for many of us when we go into treatment. Leanne graduated from CAYA. Leanne was very fortunate to be able to transition home but that was still changing her people, places and things.
It took a lot of work and planning while in her program to make sure she transitioned home safely.
When she moved home she stayed in ministry by mentoring other women and helping women find treatment and continued working with her program.
Leanne continued praying about sober living and God has been opening doors.
Recovery as a Safe Place
At Tender Loving Christ, we know that every recovery journey is different. We created a Faith-Based sober living because we know what works.
Tender Loving Christ will provide a safe sober home for women in Littleton, CO where they can continue walking their journey with Jesus while finding freedom.
We will help women who have lost everything in addiction and want a fresh start. TLC will work hand in hand with women and help them budget, get their driver's license back, get caught up on court fines, help them regain custody and so much more!
Tender Loving Christ provides a safe environment for resilient women in recovery to support their continued walk with Jesus while living a life free of addiction.
Tender Ministry in a Divided World
As followers of Jesus, God calls us to fight against the evil of this age with the fierce love of God that speaks against the Herods of this world that deal death for the sake of their own power.
As a 96% white church, Lutherans must name and stand against the sin and evil of white supremacy and the hatred and murder it engenders, this week, especially against those in Muslim faith.
It’s not enough to put a message on the sign outside, but each of us, can build relationships with people of different faiths and cultures in our own neighborhoods, schools, workplaces, and if you don’t have that opportunity, then join the Richardson Interfaith Alliance and the many multi-faith events in our area.
It is not enough not to come to church or sit in our living room and not hate other people. We trust in a God of relationship who calls us to be in the world building relationships with those of other faiths and cultures, showing up as a different kind of white Christian who fiercely love others.
Welcome, Healing, and the LGBTQ Community
After the announcement of the United Methodist Church at the beginning of this month, that LGBTQ people are not welcomed into the full life of the church, ordination and marriage, there are so many people who are hurting, feel unsafe, rejected again by church, by God, by Christians.
Our LGBTQ sisters and brothers need the tender love of God expressed through Christians and other churches, giving them a chance to snuggle into grace; they need an explicit, public welcome to know if its safe to come to church, and an unequivocal message that they are created and precious children of God in the same way that all of us are, no exceptions.
People I know and love are hurting. God wants to say to them, I want you to want me more than you want anything else. I want to transform your pain. I want you to give your whole self to me.
But how are they going to hear that message when they have been rejected over and over and over again, if we don’t tell them? If we don't let them know explicitly and publicly that we are here so they can hear God tell them this?
A Fierce and Tender Mission
St. Luke’s, we need the same clarity of mission that Jesus had when he was told Herod was going to kill him; that it doesn’t matter what others do, think or say, we have a mission to do fulfill and we are going to do it no matter what.
What difference does it make to Richardson that a Lutheran church is on this corner of Belt Line Road?
Our mission is both fierce and tender-it is Law and Gospel-we need a fierce public stand for justice, to confront evil, defend the powerless, welcome the LGBTQ community, and live as an inclusive witness to the kingdom of God.
And our mission is also one of tenderness-to hold people in their pain, to offer a place for people to snuggle into the grace of God in a loving community, to pray for others, seek healing, growth and deeper faith together, so that people know that they are not alone.
A fierce and tender ministry of the Gospel is possible when we open our hands and are "all in" with our whole heart-God holds us in this time and place for this fierce ministry and gives us the comfort of his presence and power so we can carry it out with tender love.
I’m in-say, “amen” if you are, too.
Practicing Tenderness
Life has always been hard. And life is going to be more and more difficult until the Savior returns to set everything right.
In the meantime we have been tasked with becoming a holier people. We have been instructed to walk the covenant path we have chosen to return to our heavenly home.
We can’t do it alone. We need each other. Everyone needs to learn to rely on each other. And we cannot do that if we don’t trust one another.
A safe space needs to be created within each of our lives where people can come and feel comfortable. Think of it in terms of a bubble or zone of emotional and spiritual safety that surrounds you, and that offers protection to anyone who comes near you.
This safe space means that when someone makes comments we read or hear, or they do something we see, we will not be judgmental of their words, or their actions.
Not being judgmental does not mean we accept and embrace everything they do, but it does mean we don’t condemn and berate, criticize and preach.
This is the difficulty of setting up a safe space in our lives. We must learn to weigh our words and our responses carefully so as to be loving, accepting, and grateful, without participating in something we feel is wrong.
We must, in other words, learn to hate the sin, but still love the sinner with all our hearts.
We also need to learn to judge when an issue really is important and when a little incorrectness is not going to damn that person’s soul, so can be tolerated for now.
As we enter this new era of ministering, this higher and holier way of behaving toward one another, I hope we will learn how little we actually know about each other, and how inappropriate it is to summarily judge other’s words and actions without coming to weigh our thoughts of condemnation against the need to love and accept.
The Spirit can help us in this process. He can, and will, teach us how to be more tenderhearted (considerate) in our attitudes and actions, if we will make this a serious request of the Lord and seek to practice a more godly love toward our fellow travelers in mortality.